Ms. Sicky McSickster

Well I did not think that I would be writing tonight, but here I am! Life of a chronically ill person means that I am sick … jesus that sounds so awful, I actually prefer to think I’m just so awesome that my body needs to be a bully. Chronically badass infact. So where should I begin? Should I drag you through the icky, dark, raw parts of my past or just catch you up enough to understand where we’re at now. I guess we’ll begin at illness. You see everyone has a plan or at least an idea of where they see their life going. You got to read my plan in my wonderful little fairytale post of “Oh What a Life”. Wouldn’t that have been lovely? I digress.

Remember that time that you had the flu and everything ached, your temperature was all over the place, you may have puked, swore you were peeing out of your butt, and just felt like you had been hit by a mac truck? Oh good you do? Now imagine that being your normal (well luckily I don’t pee out of my butt often but ding ding we have a winner with all the other symptoms I get to endure and then some). And what are those other lovely symptoms you may ask? I like to shake things off! No, but seriously I tremor. Sometimes my spasms are so intense they drop me to the floor and I continue to spasm and tremor till I’m wiped out, sore as fuck, and am usually dying of embarrassment on a various public store floor. That has to be it right? One person couldn’t possibly be so sick at the ripe age of 22. Guess again. Let’s add in chronic illnesses that make it impossible to eat a few bites of food with out A) being in excruciating pain B) bloating to the point I’ve been asked when I’m due … I’m not a big girl to begin with C) nausea D) or my favorite vomiting … but not just puking guts folks it’s forceful puke that comes out of my nose leaving me with acid burns up and down my throat, in my nasal cavity, and mouth. Just telling it like it is. Now imagine how fun it is to see blood on the regular while you do so. My adrenal system/hormones are entirely out of whack and so low you’d think it was a mistake. I can’t control my adrenaline so any little thing I go flying off the handle, isn’t Mr. Wonderful so lucky to be the one who catches most of this shit storm. I’m always dehydrated, no matter what I do. And I have a condition that makes my heart rate go to high while my blood pressure will plummet leaving me ridiculously dizzy or blacking out. I used to run, play sports, go horseback riding, muck stalls, go to college full time, work full time, I had this full life and now I struggle to walk to the bathroom on my bad days.

That being said it’s late Wednesday night. I need sleep and if I were to tell you all about me being sick I’d be typing for a very long time and I’d have no new posts for you all. They’d all just be about the amazing adventures of my chronically secret side and Mr. Wonderful. Don’t worry, those posts will be worth the wait! I am quite under the influence of “medicine” trying to keep myself from blowing chunks again. So while all you are nicely tucked in bed sleeping, cuddling that special someone, out on an amazing middle of the night adventure, or having hot mind blowing sex I wish I was having … I’ll be here, with my bowl, alone on the bathroom floor.

“Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don’t get sick you’re missing half the fun”

FLIP WILSON

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Oh What a Life

I sit here reflecting as my 23rd birthday approaches, I am pleased to say that everything has fallen into place. I have my bachelors degree in Nursing and I am completing clinicals at Albany Medical Center. This is an experience of a lifetime. There was no waiting after college for a job, no struggling to pay back college debts because of unemployment. All my hard work paid off because of how easily I excelled in my program and was immediately offered a full time position as an RN in the emergency department. My employer even going above and beyond by paying for my continued education in pediatric medicine. I love the adventures that are thrown my way here and the thrill of the fast pace environment of the constantly buzzing war zone. As one of the top rated trauma centers, Albany Med has been the greatest experience with it’s hands on learning and opportunity to see such rare cases.

Along with the perfect career I’m kept busy planning my wedding to my incredible fiance. I’m quite the lucky girl. He’s handsome as can be standing at 6’4″ with a grizzly beard. Did I mention he’s Irish? I could go on and on but I digress. Not many people get to say they are truly marrying there best friend. I’ve known Mr. Wonderful for five years. He’s my home, my soulmate, my other half. We have a small apartment not far from the hospital and a sweet pup named Cee. I’m so lucky that Mr. Wonderful’s job allows him to take Cee to work with him so she is always with him or out on adventures with us. I love our little family, everything just works. Mr. Wonderful is so good to me, he knows me better than I know myself. We make the perfect team and rather than taking life on separately we lock hands and tackle it together. He’s my partner in crime. I never knew how to be loved until him. We click in every way, especially in the bedroom if you know what I mean.

I’m also very blessed with my good health. Always being on my feet keeps me in shape, along with my adventures with Cee and Mr. Wonderful. I’m lucky that all my snacking at work hasn’t caught up to me just yet. I’m 5’8″ and although I’d never admit it willingly, I look damn good in a bikini. I’m in love with my long brunette locks and doe brown eyes. I swear they get me out of speeding tickets. Well that and my amazing charm and flirting skills don’t hurt. I barely get sick, Mr. Wonderful says it’s one of my greatest qualities. I think it’s because I don’t bring those germs home to him, ha! I see illness everyday at work. I’m so lucky that when I punch out at the end of the day I can leave all that behind and jump back into my life that is falling into place. What more could I ask for? I have the perfect career, a truly amazing fiance, adorable pup, and my healthy, sexy body. Life’s good, right?

A perfect life you’d think? I thought so too. That was my plan. That was where my life was heading. Right as everything was falling together I was slammed with a shitstorm that would rip everything that I ever planned, cared about, and loved away from me. So here I am face down at rock bottom, maybe even a few layers below trying to scrape myself off the pavement. I am a 22 year old who is unemployed because she is too ill to work, had to drop out of college because she is not medically cleared, and is now living at home again with her parents. I am battling multiple chronic illnesses. Cee is my wonderful dog and very much real. I love my pup to death. I bet most of you are all wondering about Mr. Wonderful. You’re in luck, Mr. Wonderful is also very real! He’s my bestfriend and our sex life is absolutely incredible¬† … however he is not my fiance. Nor is he even my boyfriend. I am his dirty secret. Make sense now, chronically secret?

If you read this far I commend you and welcome you to my shitshow. The life of the chronically secret. I’m sarcastic and I cuss. If that, or any of what I posted bothers you I kindly suggest leaving my page and finding some more upbeat blogs about happy endings because there may never be one here. I refuse to glamorize either aspect of my life, this is as raw as it gets folks. There will be bright happy times where you’ll think the suns shining out of my arse and the darkest of times you may wonder how I’m still alive. I’ll share it all. This is my life & “oh what a life” … it is.

“Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the death rate is 100%”

R.D Laing